The process of becoming “confident”!

I was reading about a principle in Neuro-Linguistic Programming called “The 4 Levels Of Learning”. These four levels are the steps that a person takes to become a master at anything.

As I was reading, I almost had to laugh because it exactly maps the process I went through in becoming better with women and sexuality.

Just as accurately, it reflects the journey that all of you will follow as you learn our group’s material, apply it to your own experience and ultimately make it your own.

Let me walk you through these four steps and apply them to my own journey. My guess is you’ll have a few lights bulbs go off as you relate these to your own experiences:

1.) The first step – Unconscious Incompetence.

This is where you don’t know what you don’t know.

I didn’t know why I got dumped. I was perplexed and frustrated. It sucks at this stage.

2.) Conscious Incompetence

At this stage, you KNOW how much you don’t know and how incompetent you are.

After my divorce, I sought to find out what happened. I sought the truth in reality.

I realized what I was doing wrong. I learned that I had been a victim of social programming.

I learned I was a “nice guy.” I learned that I wasn’t being “dominant.”

And I realized how far I still had to go.

3.) Conscious Competence

This is the part where you actually become competent to do a thing. But you have to focus and consciously do it. You have to walk yourself through the steps. It’s not quite an automatic at this point.

I learned what women really wanted. I learned what the bad boys were doing that was so powerful. I learned how not to be a “nice guy.”

I learned what to do right and started doing those things. I learned how to talk dirty. I learned how to lead and take the initiative.

I felt like I was being “cocky.” I was surprised that it worked so well. But I still had to continually focus on making sure that I was getting it right.

With practice and successes, I felt more comfortable with it. I felt “confidence.”

4.) Unconscious Competence

This is where the magic happens. This is where you can competently do a thing without ever having to think about it.

This is when it becomes “Knowingness.” It is who you are.

At the advanced level of being competent, it’s like you do everything right, you do everything on autopilot, and you just simply know you are doing the right things to get the result.

…Without ever having to think about it.

It’s like you are a magician. You touch her mind and body as no one else can, and she wonders what is it about you anyway?

This is the wonderful place to get to. This is the condition that has to exist for all of those wonderful stories you hear to happen.

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