Do you ever feel like you know what to do… but can’t get yourself to do it, when it comes to flirting with girls?
The Ongoing Battle For Control Of Your Mind:
“I know what to do. But I can’t get myself to do it.”
“When I get in front of a girl my mind goes blank. The only thing I can think of are boring small talk questions.”
“I know I should be fun, flirty, and sexual, but for some reason, I feel trapped in boring mode.”
Those are some of the common responses I’ve gotten the last few days from guys who replied to these emails.
So what is going on?
There is a constant battle going on in your mind.
The battle is between your “logical brain” and your “creative brain.”
Both are trying to “grab the wheel.”
Here is the problem:
The minute you try to think of what to say, filter your personality, think of a tactic to use, remember an article you read, look for an opportunity to tease a girl or flirt…
Your LOGICAL MIND has grabbed the wheel.
Here is a COLD HARD FACT:
You can’t create a fun, flirtatious vibe when your “logical mind” has control of the wheel.
This is why the first step in a conversation should NOT be to think of how to impress a girl, use a tactic, or even flirt with her.
So then what is it?
The first thing you need to do is to shut down your “logical brain.”
Your “logical brain” is the part of you that tries to micro-manage a conversation and is constantly analyzing and worrying about everything you’re about to say.
And this makes you appear stilted, try hard, and boring.
See, the first step to becoming “ON” is discovering how to effortlessly stay out of your own head, and be completely engaged in the moment.
Here is the problem most guys run into:
You try to use your “logical brain” to get into a more confident, attractive state of mind.
But the problem with this is that you have to THINK about it to do it. And as soon as you begin thinking about your “state” you immediately take yourself out of the moment, and lose that natural confidence.
And pretty soon you’re bumbling through your mind searching for the “right words”…
I don’t think I need to tell you that the minute you start “planning” what you’re going to say…
You’ve LOST. Poof, its over. Even if you come up with perfect line, it comes out stilted and try hard.
So what do you do instead?
Pay attention, what I’m about to explain is the KEY CONCEPT to getting and staying ON and learning how to convey “raw personality.”
“Activate your Imagination”
Did you ever wonder how some guys seem to be able to “connect the dots” in a conversation super fast?
Like they instantly have an interesting, witty, or fun reply?
Or they can “hold court” and keep the attention of a group without ever floundering?
Here is the thing: They had NO TIME to “think” about what they were going to say.
They had no time to “mold” their words to what they thinks will impress her.
Then how was it so perfect?
Because they are letting their IMAGINATION do all the work.
Bear with me.
This is an important concept to understand. And it will make more and more sense as we go on.
Imagination and creativity is ultimately what “connects the conversation dots.”
Don’t let the words creativity or imagination intimidate you.
This is NOT about being some creative poet, or imaginative science fiction writer…
Its about the ability see “connections” that you normally might have missed.
The good news is that its already there for you.
You probably notice it sometimes when you’re with people you’re comfortable with and you’re “VIBING.”
When you’re in a fun state “vibing” with your friends, you probably surprise yourself with some of the jokes, stories, and banter that flows out of your mouth.
The reason this happens is because you allow your “logical brain” to go to sleep and your imagination takes over.
This is also why some of the best conversations we have are talking about “nonsense”.
Nonsense, silliness, made up shit, imaginary scenarios…
HINT: The same type of conversation I talk about when discussing “taking her back to the playground.”
In fact, any time a sentence starts with “We should totally (insert some thing you’re never actually going to do but its fun to imagine) – you’re having one of these types of conversations.
You might never have thought of it this way. But its true.
To be playful is NOT analytical – it comes from and is responded to on an emotional level. To be playful and spontaneous you have to just let your mind vibe.
You have to be comfortable in the situation so that you feel a kind of “relaxed excitement” where you can just run through all sorts of combinations and images in your mind, feel them, and convey them.
If you have trouble expressing your personality in a fun, attractive way around girls, its most likely because you’re “logical brain” refuses to take its hands off the wheel.
And as long as he’s the one driving, you’re in for a boring, frustrating, and sex-less ride.
And it doesn’t matter how much theory you understand about attraction, it doesn’t matter how many examples of flirtatious lines you memorize…
You’re “logical mind” is gonna get in the way and fuck it up.
The first step to turning yourself ON is to make the switch from logical to creative.
A few magical things happen when you activate your imagination and creativity around girls:
1. You start responding in social situations “lightening fast”, whether its spontaneously asking the receptionist for drinks after work, having the perfect reply when woman smiles and makes eye contact with you, or quickly take things to a more fun and intimate level on a date, skipping all that boring, libido-killing small talk.
2. You become “unconstrained” in what you’ll say and begin to act more “real” expressing your unique and attractive personality in a way that draws girls toward you.
(And let me tell you, there is NOTHING that’s a bigger turn on for a chick than to catch a glimpse of the REAL you, the RAW NAKED “unfiltered” personality.)
3. You finally shut up that little self sabotaging chump voice in the back of your head.
When that voice is GONE. When that intimation is GONE. When your usually jumbled, misfiring, and inconsistent mind becomes…
UNTANGLED and CLEAR.
Your mind quiets, and everything you do just works.
Your humor hits, your stories rock, and people follow your lead. You have the strongest “magnet” of attention.
And you begin to move and communicate with a total lack of self-consciousness.
And naturally become the cool, fun, mellow, humorous guy that people (especially women) LOVE to be around.